I Couldn't Save Him
by RaphSai03
Summary: He's..dead. My little brother, dead. The strength of the team, the one who brought out the warrior in us all..is dead. I stare at my brother's lifeless body in my arms, as tears spring down from my eyes. Is this real, or fake? If only I could go back, fight this battle by his side. At least then we would've died together, and I wouldn't have to live in misery.
1. Prologue

**Hello, RaphSai03 here! This is my new story, "I Couldn't Save Him." This story is going to be told mainly from Leonardo's Pov, just so you know. Also... This story is going to be very emotional, especially the prologue (what you are about to read) if you are a sensitive person, you may not want to read this. There is going to be gore, violence, strong language, and suggestive scenes. Just a heads up. On another note, I'm only going to continue this story if I get a lot of reviews, if not I'm just going to leave it at this. So please, enjoy, and review.**

"Raph, Raph?!" I call out my little brother's name as I stumble over Kraang droids and dead Foot soldiers. The sight is sickening, blood and weapons sprawled out all over the rooftop. My eyes widen, the further I walk the more morgue and grim everything is. Tears begin to well in my eyes. _Raphael fought this battle alone, without his brothers, but instead a couple of allies. With all of these droids and ninja's, their opponents, there's only a slight chance that they survived..._

Suddenly, I'm on the ground, with a skinned knee. The pain isn't what it used to be, ten years ago I would've been balling me eyes out, but now, it's as if I can't feel it. Getting up, my eyes wander down to the object of which I tripped over. Vomit immediately rises in my throat.

Just in front of my feet is a head, detached from its body, hanging on by a single thread of flesh. Blood becomes a pool, and fear swarms through me. I take off into a sprint, wanting to put as great distance as possible between myself and all of these dead soldiers.

A single tear slid down from my sapphire eyes as I ran, followed by another, and another, and another, until soon, a steady stream of salty tears flowed down my cheeks. All of the worry, sadness, sorrow, I had built up, hiding from everyone, came running down my face as all of the possibilities of what could've happened to my brother comes setting in, eating at my soul like a hungry pack of dogs. I must find him, I must make sure he is okay.

Raphael and his buddies certainly put up a fight, I just wonder who survived, who died. Is Karai alright? Is Raphael? Casey? Slash? The rest of the Mutanimals?

I'm zapped out of my thoughts as I hear coughing from the next building over. _Raph_. "RAPH?! RAPH, WHERE ARE YOU?!" I follow the sound, screaming my baby brothers name as my legs travel faster than light. "Raph, Raph, can you here?!"

"O-over...h-h-he-re." More coughing shadows Raph's rough, scratchy voice. Omigod, what happened?

I spin around, and sure enough, there's my brother, leaning his shell against a shed. And I swear, I would right here, right now, if I could, because what my eyes see is nothing short of pain. A sob escapes my throat, and I rush to my little brothers side.

In the bridge of Raphael's dark brown shell, is a Tanto, Karai's Tanto, with blood seeping slowly out of the wound. Pain stabbed at my heart; I can only imagine how this happened.

Without warning, my brother places two fingers under my chin, bringing up my head. Our eyes meet, locked in a prison like gaze. I sniffle, tears clouding my vision. "Sh-she did this to you?" Karai...the girl I am in love with. Well, _was_. I don't really know anymore.

Raphael nods, and then says, with a smirk on his face. "Told ya she was nothin' but trouble." I chuckle slightly. This is what I love about Raph, he knows how to lighten up the mood, and isn't afraid to. Usually, I would start a playful argument, but right now I just can't bring myself to.

"I know ya did, little brother." I try, but fail, at a smile. I just end up shaking my head, tears fleeing their home.

"Hey, hey, stop cryin', you're betta' than that." Raphael's tone is stern, making him sound like he knows exactly what he's talking about. Any other day, I would take his words into consideration, and suck it up, because Raphael's words can make you do that.

He this spark to him, there's this thing about him that just makes you listen, that makes you obey. Usually, I would tell myself that Raph knows exactly what he's doing, that if he's telling me stop crying then it means that I need to stop crying. But not now. He isn't the one staring down at his dying brother.

"No, Raph, I'm not better than that. You're dying, and it's all my fault. I didn't mean what I said, I don't want you dead. I want you alive and in my arms so we can watch movies and play video games and skate board while eating pizza. But..I screwed up and you're going to die."

"Shut up, shut up right now! This is not your fault! Okay?" I stifle a sob, and whip a tear off of my face. I nod, and murmur, "okay."

"Good, now, I want you to do me a few things. One, take over my job. Don't let Donnie-boy stay up too late, you gotta check on him every night at 3 a.m. Usually he's already passed out, carry him to his bed and tuck him in. If he's still awake, carry him to his bed anyway. He'll insist that he needs to stay up a little later, ta finish his project, don't let him. Take him to bed, tuck him in, and don't leave the room until you're absolutely positive he's asleep."

"Two, don't let Mike loose his shine. Just because I'm not there, doesn't mean that he can't shine. Every night before going to bed, I want you to give him a hug, kiss him on the crown of his head, and tell him I love him. Don't ever let Mikey forget, never. Even in the darkest days there is light, our baby brotha' just so happens ta be that light."

"Three, don't let Splinter take his despondency out on you guys. I know how the old guy gets when he's mad, scared. He'll try to lash out on you guys, he's done it with me nearly every day for the past sixteen years. Remind him that I'm still here, in heart and vein. Even if he does lambaste you guys, don't let it get ta ya. Reassure our brothers, help them through these hard times."

"Four...don't loose hope. I'm going to die tonight, Leonardo, you and I both know this. And that's okay, because I died for you. I died, so that you all could live, just like Jesus." A wave of tears explodes like a tsunami from Raphael's emerald eyes, and a long, loud sob fills the air around us. "I'm not really gone, we'll be together again shortly, I promise. Whether it's in heaven or hell, or even another life, me and you will be brothers once more. I love you, Leonardo." I squeeze my eyes shut at these four words.

"I love you too, Raphael." I pull my baby brother onto my lap, slipping my hand under his head. My lips press against his, a goodbye gift.

Then, his last words. "Leo, don't ever forget me. We'll always be brothers. We lived together, we trained together, we fought together, we stood for good together. We struck hard, defended and protected, and we would fade into the night, with the shadows. There's no one out there who can ever change that. No one. And that's what's important. Never forget that, Leonardo." I watch as Raphael's eyes flutter for once last second, before closing one last time.

"No, no, Raph, no no no nononononono! Not now, not here. This can't be you aren't dead, you're alive you're just pretending. Raph, open your eyes, you've got me you can stop with you're game now. WAKE UP!" I'm screaming slapping my brothers face, urging him to wake. But, he isn't going to. His heart isn't beating, he isn't breathing. His body is completely still. In my arms.

He's..dead. My little brother, dead. The strength of the team, the one who brought out the warrior in us all..is dead. I stare at my brother's lifeless body in my arms, as tears spring down from my eyes. Is this real, or fake? If only I could go back, fight this battle by his side. At least then we would've died together, and I wouldn't have to live in misery.


	2. One

**Hiya everyone ;) Thank you for leaving reviews, favoriting and following this story so far, I really appreciate the support. I'm glad everyone enjoyed chapter 1 and I hope you will continue to enjoy this story as it progresses. Chapter 2 takes place 30 days before Raphael's death, so enjoy and review.**

 _ **30 days before Raphael's death**_

I watched Raphael from afar as he punched the punching bag, exhaling his anger into the dummy. He's so full of aggression, and he needs to get it under control before someone gets hurt. The bag is hanging onto its post by a thread, the sound of Raphael's knuckles pounding again it echoes around the dojo.

My brother lifts a leg up, kicking the dummy away from him, then punched it harder than before. The string holding the training tool up vibrates, seemingly growing thinner and thinner with every punch made. It's only a matter of time before it drops, maybe hitting Raphael. I don't want to watch that happen.

Unsheathing my Katana's, I rush froward, cutting the needle-thin rope attaching the Punching Bag to its post, and slide my swords back into place.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Raphael shoves me into the wall, his hands pressing against my plastron.

"Stopping the punching bag from dropping on you, that's what. You know, you should be a little more thankful, I helped you. If that were to've fallen, it could've broken your ankle or worse- why you are getting made about what I did makes absolutely no sense and is completely uncalled for, Raphael." I turn away from my angered brother and start towards the sliding doors.

My intentions of getting away from Raphael fail as he follows after me. "You think I need your help, but I don't, I'm perfectly capable of takin' care of myself, thank you very much." His snappy sarcastic tone floods my ears as I grasp the door handle and begin to pull towards my right. Though, of course, it doesn't move very far before Raphael pushes it shut again.

Heaving a long, exaggerated sigh, I glance at my brother over my shoulder. "Leave me alone, okay? I don't want to fight with you, so just let me exit." I speak in warning tone.

"No, you broke my punching bag and I need something to release my stress on." Stress? Pfft, he has no stress. He doesn't know what it's like to have the weight of the world resting on his shoulders, unlike me. His only problem is that 'nobody understands him.' He knows nothing about stress.

"And what are you proposing? That you punch me till I bleed?" I bark in a disgusted tone. I'm not in the mood for this, I have plans to dictate, brothers to watch over.

Raphael smirks at me menacingly. "As nice as that sounds, I think I'll just settle for a good old fashioned spar." His hand reach behind him and into his belt, taking each Sai in his hands and getting into a starting position.

I roll my eyes and purse my lips. _Okay, I'll just kick his sorry ass and then he'll leave me alone._ At that thought, I unsheathe my Katana's. _Besides, I could go for a beat down._

I imitate Raphael's posture, readying my weapons as he does with his. Counting to three in my head, I wait for Raphael to make the first move, just as always. 1...2...3...

Raphael pounces on me like a lion on its prey. The wind gets knocked out of me as I fall to the ground, landing hard on my shell. I let out a grunt of distress and struggle to shove Raphael off of me. "Get...off!" I bring my leg up and kick Raphael in the plastron, sending him flying across the room.

The two of us stand up at the exact moment, regaining our balance, our eyes never leaving each other's. Five feet in front of, Raphael twirls one of his Sai in his left hand before running at.

I'm prepared this time, bringing my twin Katana up. Four blades cling together, mixing in with the sound of grunts and snarls.

Sweat beads down my neck as I struggle against Raphael's Sai, my Katana's bending in away they shouldn't at the strength of my brothers weapons.

Escape routes and plans roll through my mind, and I struggle to find one that might actually work. Ducking down on the ground and kicking at Raphael's legs wouldn't work, he's far too buff for me to knock over if he's standing upright. It was different when he was on me, because his weight wasn't exactly settled on anything.

Kicking at his plastron wouldn't exactly be the smartest move, either. If not thought out throughly, I could lose a toe or two against the blades, and we don't want that.

Perhaps I could remove a Katana from the wall I've made to barricade Myself from Raphael's weapons, and make a swift jab at his plastron. That would probably be my best bet, it's probably be the easiest move.

Quickly, swiftly, stealthily, I take my right Katana away and slash at Raphael's stomach area. When I go to turn around, I'm kicked in the back of my shell.

I tumble onto the ground, my face scraping against the rough carpets, burning my flesh. I wince in pain as my body stops skidding across the floors, and I lay on my plastron with my eyes closed and teeth clenched.

"You're weak, ya know that? Ya may be the leada' of this god forsaken team, but ya ain't the fighta'. I'm the strength, you got that? Ya aren't any betta' than us, just because you're the leader it doesn't mean that you can kick us around like we're a bunch'o scum bags." Raphael's foot slams into my side and I let out a yelp of pain.

I turn my head and open my eyes, looking up at my brother as he smirks down at my sluggish form. Defeat eats at me until I'm nothing but flesh over bones, making me feel hollow inside. "O-okay, I understand." My voice is quiet, a mere whisper.

"Good." Raphael's deadly voice whispers the next part to me as he bends down on his knees, coming closer to my face than I'd like. "And you better not run off to tell your girlfriend about this, eitha'. 'Cause I'm sure that Splinta'd love ta here that his precious little angel is datin' the foot, now wouldn't he?"

My eyes widen and I shake my head. No, father can't know about my relationship with Karai, he'd forbid me from seeing her anymore. I love her far too much to let that happen. "Please, Raph, please don't tell." As I beg my brother for mercy, the smirk on his face just grows larger, making him look like the smuggest bastard alive.

"Hmmmm.. I guess we'll just have ta see what I do, huh?" Chuckling, Raphael walks out of the dojo, but not without throwing my Katana's at the wall first.

When I'm alone, I finally sit up. Clenching my fists, I narrow my eyes and my breaths become heavier, louder, _angrier_. Flames of hatred ignite in the embers that have been stilled for so long, and all I can feel is a venomous amount of hostility being held for Raphael.

Oh, how much easier life would be without him.

 **Uh-oh, sibling rivalry. Obviously Raph doesn't approve of Leonardo's relationship with Karai, which will be explained in further detail throughout the next few chapters. This chapter did take place 30 days before Raphael's death, as I mentioned at the beginning. The next chapter will take place after Raphael's death, and then the next will be before, then after, and then before, etc etc. So basically you'll all be filled in on what's happening after the death and before the death.**

 **I really hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. Please review and have a nice week!**

 **-RaphSai03**


	3. Two

**Thanks so much for the reviews, I loved them all so much :) Attention all deviants! I really would like a DIGITAL cover for this story, so if someone would be willing to make one I would seriously appreciate it. Please leave a review or PM me if you are interested. Anyway, Enjoy and review!**

 ** _45 Minutes after Raphael's death_**

I sob as I hold Raphael's lifeless body in my arms one last time, caressing his icy cold cheek in my hand. He looks so peaceful, yet so pained. My eyes drift away from my best friend over to the hole of dug for him. It's in an abandoned building, the one we've marked as a safe house if anything ever happens to the lair, the hole dug in a corner where the flooding has been ripped out, wet soil replacing it. Pretty ironic that I'm burying him here, in the place that I've snuck off to every night for nearly two months so I could see Karai, the girl I'm in love with, the girl who murdered Raphael. He warned me about her, about the venom that runs through her veins, but of course, I didn't listen. I told myself that he knew nothing and that I'm right and he's wrong. Why? Because I'm the eldest, I'm the leader, so obviously that makes me know everything. Tch, if only I weren't so cocky, then I'd be telling my brother goodnight instead of goodbye.

I wipe my eyes free of tears. Raphael wouldn't want me crying, not now. He'd tell me to suck it up, that I need to stay strong so I can go home and tell our brothers what happened.

But I can't. I can't stop these goddamn tears from flying out of my eyes because tonight, tonight I lost the most important thing ever. My brother, my best friend, my warrior. Raph's always been the batman for our family, ever since we were young. What's Gotham gonna do now that the dark knight is dead? How'll we cope? How'll we defend ourselves? How'll we survive? Maybe we won't, and that's okay. Because then if we die, we'll see him again.

Ah, but Raphael didn't die just so we could shrivel up into a pile of bones and ashes. He would want us to be strong, to stand up for each other, to fight the Foot and Kraang and Karai and Shredder just as he did. So, I will. We will. I will avenge my brother's death. We will avenge our brother's death.

I smile a bit. This is my last time ever getting to see him in solid form, I have to savor the moment, I have to say what's on my mind.

"I'm sorry about all of our fights and differences. I didn't mean anything I said, I'm sure you didn't, either. When I said I wish you were dead..I should not have said that. I didn't think, I just spoke. Never in a million years would I've thought to take the time to think about those words before saying them. And that was a pretty shitty move. Why did I say it? Er..well, I guess I was mad. Actually, no, scratch that, I was _scared_. I was fucking scared, Raphael! Scared that you were right, that Karai was nothing but a bitch, that she was venomous. I was damn caught up in the game of love that I didn't take the time to open up my eyes and look around, to see things for what they really are rather than what I want them to be. And, because of that, you died." I purse my lips as I grab Raphael's hands in mine. Bringing them up to my lips, I kiss them, and inhale his scent one last time.

"I know that you don't want me to say that your death was my fault, so I'm not going to. All I'm saying is that, you'd probably be alive right now if I hadn't been so stubborn, if I'd only followed you onto the battle field like you asked me to do." I take a deep breath, scrunching my eyes as I do so, and I exhale slowly, opening my eyes once more when I'm more relaxed, more calm. "I'm sorry. I am so fucking sorry that you're dead. I will do whatever it takes to avenge your death, I can promise you that. Perhaps I'll die in that instant. I'd be smilin', cause I'd avenged your death and made mine worth it. Then we'd be together again. But in the meantime, all I can say is Good Luck. Good luck in heaven or hell or in your next life, wherever you end up. I hope you're okay, I hope you're the happiest man alive." I bring my lips down to Raphael's one last time, and I squeeze his hands in mine.

I swear to god, I can feel him squeeze back.

The last, smallest, tiniest bit of his soul is gone now, it's fled into the afterlife.

I grin. My brother is in a better place now, where he can do whatever he wants. He won't have to live in hiding anymore, and he won't have to risk his life for a bunch of selfish civilians. He won't have to deal with annoying people or be forced do things.

Not anymore.

He's happy now.

I know he is.

I will be too, one day.

...hopefully.


	4. Three

**Thank you for the reviews! I glad everyone is enjoying this story, it really is a joy to receive and read your reviews. Please enjoy and leave a review of you get the chance!**

 ** _30 Days Before Raphael's Death_**

"I don't know, I mean maybe I'm being too hard on him, or maybe I'm not. Maybe Raphael's just too stubborn for his own good. Or maybe..maybe I'm just not cut out to lead the team." I hang my sorry head in shame as I put a rest to my endless pacing, stopping in front of Karai, who sits on the old, beat up couch.

My girlfriend reaches her hands out, grasping mine. She pulls me forward, sits me down next to her.

We sit, our eyes locked as we breathe quietly, the sound of wind gasping outside the abandoned warehouse. It's been declared a safe house for me and my family, a place to flee to if anything ever happens to the lair, or if it's ever too hazardous to stay there. This is also a place that I meet Karai nightly, where we have our affairs.

Back when we found this place, we raided a junk yard for the essentials of a home, and we gathered two couches, three mattresses, and many others.

No one but Raphael knows about my relationship with Karai, and I intend on keeping it that way. Donatello and Michelangelo wouldn't let it go if they found out, they'd be constantly pestering me about it. And Master Splinter, he'd probably kill me on the spot. He'd forbid me from seeing Karai any more, and most likely take away my role as leader. Maybe that wouldn't be that bad, the leader thing. I could use a break.

Just now me and Karai are talking about Raphael. Ignoring my brother's threat, I told Karai about what happened earlier in the dojo.

"You're a great leader, you're brothers just need to learn to respect you. Don't doubt yourself, Leonardo." The way she says my name, it makes me shiver every time. She's so beautiful, so wonderful. Not perfect, no. Thinking someone is perfect is infatuation, knowing that they're not but still hanging around them anyway is love. And yes, I am in love with Karai.

I move forward, more towards my girlfriend. Wrapping my arms around Karai, I pull her onto my lap. I tilt my head back, looking towards the ceiling as Karai looks down on me, our foreheads resting upon each other as I hold her up higher than me.

She cups me face, our lips smashing together more fiercely as the kiss deepens. As I drown in the love of Karai, I question the word; love. What is love? Is this love? Sneaking out to see each other every night despite the war our families rival in? My end of the rope is love, it fills my heart and mind every second I'm with Karai. She surrounds my every thought, bringing me light in the darkest of times. But what about her end?

Ever since I met Karai, Raphael has warned me nonstop about the dangers of the tanto wielder. I've done nothing but ignore my brother's cautions, dodging them like a bullet from a gun.

But now, I let that bullet strike me. It hits me hard in the chest, polluting my mind with a simple yet complicated question. _Does she love me?_

I pull away from Karai, forcing her away. She stares at me in disappointment as her hand drop from my face.

I take them in mine, lacing my fingers with her thin, delicate ones. "Can I ask you something?"

Karai's head falls towards her left shoulder, as if her body can't support the weight. "You know I don't like talking.." She trails off, as if urging me to finish her sentence. I won't speak it, but I'll recite it through my mind. _A human can bond much easier through physical interaction rather than social._

Karai says this a lot, it's what she believes to be true.

Though, I know it's not.

In a relationship, especially like ours, communication is something you need in order to blossom, to bloom.

Me and Karai have a lot of issues surrounding our relationship, with our families at war and me being a giant alienated turtle. All I've ever wanted was someone who would wrap their arms around me and hold me as I slip into a deep sleep, and now I've got one. I want me and Karai to be able to talk to each other, to be able to open up and confess our love. She doesn't want that, though, and that scares me.

What if this relationship is fake, nothing but an illusion. Or maybe it's an act played to get close to me, so she could kill me, and then my family.

I need to know that Karai feels the way towards me as I do to her.

Ignoring her bullet, I ask away. "Do you love me?"

We've never confessed our feelings towards each other, though it's clear what I feel. Karai, on the other hand, is a completely different story.

Living with the Shredder all her life, Karai learned to just accept life for it was and leave it at that. Never, has she gone further in, to see what the caverns of the world truly holds.

"Stop." She hisses as she stands up, shoving me against the back of couch.

My eyes glue to Karai as I watch her strut over to where her tanto lies next to my twin Katana, picking up her weapon and sliding it into its scabbard. Just before she could walk to the doors, though, I sprint over to her. Gripping her wrist, she spins around, facing me with a loathing gleam to her Amber orbs.

Gazing into them, I get lost in a sea of Amber grain, running wildly with my arms in the air. The taste of freedom was an alarming sensation, enlightening my body with joy and excitement.

Extracting myself from the daydream set a flight by Karai's wondrous eyes, I swallow and open my mouth, words rolling across my tongue in speech.

"Karai, I love you." Her glare subsides, her eyes widening in shock. _How hadn't she noticed, I've become practically obsessed with her?_

"Leo..." She whispers, her voice quivering in- uneasiness?

Shaking my head, I continue. "You're the air I breathe, the water I drink; I need you."I take a deep breath and release my grip on Karai's hand, trusting her enough not to run away. "You may not like it, but it's true. I know you don't like talking about this, but it's something I have to do. You must know what I feel for you, and I must know what you feel for me. So, do you love me?"

My hands loll at my side as tension builds through my mind, echoing off the walls of the warehouse. The anxiety in my veins sings as I dwell on the fear of rejection.

Karai stands plainly in front of me. Our bodies stand tall and straight, but she quickly crumbles under the weight of my question.

Her head droops, and her hands reach for mine.

Holding on tightly, Karai closes her eyes, facing down to the floor. Our hands embrace each other, and I begin to loose hope as seconds tick by, and minutes fly past me, exiting my life.

"I don't know what I feel right now, but I'll tell you when I'm sure." Karai's lips are back on mine and I carry her back to the couch, setting us right back where we began.

Her words ring throughout my mind, swinging at my like the Sai that did just this afternoon.

For now, I will put my faith in Karai, because I love her, and that's just the type of sacrifice you make for the ones you love.


	5. Four

**Hey guys! How's everyone doing? Sorry about the long wait, I've been meaning to get around to this story, and I just now am. Thanks for your patience, and your reviews. Those were lovely, I enjoyed reading them. Please leave a review and enjoy!**

 ** _1 and a Half Hours After Raphael's Death_**

I stomp through the lair entrance, tears still standing my cobalt blue mask. My lips are curled at the tips, revealing my clenched teeth, as sharp as a tigers, as deadly as a lions. All of the light has been sucked out of my Royal blue eyes, the orbs that once shone with so much pride and confidence now as dark as my little brother's killer's soul. Karai.

She is dead to me. She has been, ever since I found my brother, impaled, laying in a pool of his own blood. The Crimson liquid had been gooey, sticky. I knew I wouldn't feel sane until I'd felt that same substance seeping out of Karai's cold, dead, lifeless body. She's a killer, I must avenge the ones she murdered so willingly.

The stares I earn as I stalk past my family are fearful, making me feel like I've done something vile. They'd looked so peaceful, distracting themselves with the tv, showing their anticipation away. I'd went to get Raphael on a solo mission, I didn't want anyone else there when I spoke to Karai and scolded my brother for harming her. Funny, that's how I thought this would all end. With me dragging Raphael's bruised up body home, yelling at him for bringing a fight to my girlfriend. If I'd known that I'd have to bury my brother upon my return, I wouldn't have left the lair with such temper and as much force as I had.

My brothers and father follow me to the bathroom. Walking into the small room, I turn on the faucet. My large hands don't bother to untie my mask, I rip it away, letting it fall to the ground; tattered and bruised.

Just before I place my hands beneath the steaming water, I take notice of the blood encrusted on my fingers, running down my arms, soaking my wrappings. I rip those away too.

"Leonardo, who's blood is that?" My father's thick Japanese accent questions. As his words slip into my ears, I can feel the fear that haunts them, sending shivers running down my spine.

"Raphael," I couldn't have been any quieter, whispering his name almost silently.

I hadn't put soap on my bloodied hands, leaving me to just sit and watch as the water rid me of the crusty poison. If only the water could rid me of the toxins in my soul. Of course, I know that water can only do so much before becoming nothing but streaming silence.

"Excuse me?" Of course my father asks me to repeat myself, no way in hell could he have heard me.

Sorry, was I too quiet for you? Let me try again. Ahem.

"RAPHAEL!" Was that loud enough for you?

Seconds after and my scream is still echoing of the walls.

Minutes later and my throat still burns from the power used to thunder.

My eyes sting as tears threaten again. Strange, I thought I'd already cried my self out. Surprises, surprises; today is just full of them.

Donatello steps forward, his jaw dropped slightly, his eyes wide with question, burning with oncoming tears. "Wait—is he...?"

"YES!" I punch my first against the mirror, not even flinching when the glass shatters, falling to the counter, slipping to the ground. "Raphael is dead and it's all our fault! Everyone's! Sensei, you let him go into that battle. Mikey and Donnie, you didn't help him. I didn't go onto that battlefield with him. April didn't care. Casey walked along side him. The mutanimals followed him into that hell. And Karai...Karai put an end to his life."

Stunned, stunned silence. Awkward, no. Scary, yes.

They're afraid, not of the words I spoke, but me, the one who spoke them.

I never have outbursts, I never yell and scream and cry. I'm calm. I'm the eye of the storm. But ya know, even the calm has to rage every once in a while.

That's when it sets in, though. When I'm thinking about what I just said. Karai.

I loved her, with all my heart. I stitched her up at her tattered seams, put her together. I handed her my heart, offering her every last ounce of me. Everything was so sweet.

Karai.

The girl who's lips tasted like vanilla cupcakes, topped with cherry frosting.

Karai.

The girl who's fingers felt like Cotten when they twisted around my buff arms.

Karai.

The girl who'd manipulated me into loving her.

Karai.

The girl I had sex with almost every night for a month.

Karai.

The girl who murdered my brother.

Ugh, if only I'd listened to Raphael about her. He warned me of her venom, and I ignored him. I thought it was nonsense, told myself she was as perfect as a blossoming flower, as pure as a daffodil. But I couldn't have been more wrong.

Every time I'd slept with her I couldn't think about anything other than the sensational roller coaster of our relationship. Our roller coaster has taken a hit though, it's gears grinding to an unexpected stop. We're going down hill - too fast, too sudden - and I can feel my stomach flying up and into my chest, leaving me with an aching pain. The car won't stop, as we plummet to our deaths. It's now that I accept it, me and Karai are nothing but dust.

HOW STUPID, my mind screams at me. HOW GODDAMN FUCKING STUPID!

My lips curl as my teeth clench together so fiercely that I'm afraid they'll shatter to pieces - exactly the way my heart has.

"I TRUSTED HER!" I bellow in frustration. "I loved her and she killed my baby brother! I'm gonna get my revenge, I will avenge Raphael's death!"

I'm too busy shoving past my remaining family members to notice the hot tears streaking down my beak. Anger pulses through my veins as I kick and shove and break everything in my way.

So this is how he felt, during his infamous temper tantrums. I'd been so harsh on him, lecturing him as he raced around the lair, destroying everything in his path. Too many times has he screamed at me to, "leave him the fuck alone," and too many times had I ignored those orders he so willingly threw out into the open air.

Now look at me. Just sit and picture it.

Calm, reserved Leonardo shattering materials that have held so much value to my family, ripping photographs of Raphael to shreds. Crying and laughing and screaming and mumbling; all while my family yells for me calm down.

Mikey's crying; he's afraid of the psycho I'm become.

Donnie's trembling; he's never dealt with this kind of thing, me or dad have always handled Raphael's scenes.

Master Splinter's startled; I'm supposed to be his responsible child, the one who always thinks rationally, the one who doesn't get physical when angry.

Well haha, the tables are turned.

I'm a raging fire, burning down the forest I've ignited in, destroying every flower as carelessly as a lion.

I'm a lion, roaring at my pack as they let me down, howling as wildly as a wolf.

I'm a wolf, racing through my home, not paying any attention to the things that pass by me, the scenery over laying like the waves of an ocean.

I'm a storming ocean, my currents moving as quickly and fiercely as the raging fire.

I'm everything deadly all at once; I'm suddenly powerful.

Freezing, I stare at the wall in front of me. I'm in Raphael's bedroom, my only two brothers and father standing behind me, the family I am left with. My cobalt blue eyes, glazed over with hostility, soften as they land on a picture of me and Raphael.

We were tots, just barely five. I was blowing bubbles, my little brother popping them, chasing them excitedly.

I force my eyes away, only for them to land upon another.

We're younger in this one, probably three and a half. My arms wrap around my slumbering brother, my face buried in the crook of his neck as we sleep, snuggled close.

Another picture.

Ten, that's how old I'd say we are. We're sitting in the pit, playing action figures. When I look close enough, Raphael is holding Joker, whilst I'm holding Batman.

That was our thing at that age, Batman and Joker. I'd always said that Batman would win any fight, because he's the hero. But Raphael would always correct me.

Standing here, engrossed in this photo taken half a decade ago, Raphael's know-it-all ten-year old voice rings through my head, saying something I'd become used to hearing at the time.

"Just because he's the hero doesn't mean he wins," Raphael's soft green eyes appear in my head, an image so vivid it might as well've been my imagination. "Even the good Guy's gotta take a hit sometime. Besides, what's the different between a hero and villain anyway?" I would sit in silence, perplexed. Then Raphael would say something even more confusing, "there isn't a difference, in the end, they're both sinners."

Looking back I finally see the truth in his words, I finally understand them.

There is no "bad guy." There is no "good guy." In the end, we are only men. Through our own eyes, we good, because we're fighting for our beliefs. That's not right, though. We really are all bad guys, and yet we're good guys. Because we're standing up for ourselves, but by doing that we are plowing down other's.

So, Karai is not good. Karai is not bad.

I am not good. I am not bad.

I couldn't just kidnap Karai and lock her up because she did something "evil," because to her it's not, and that's only serving justice to those with my mindset.

Therefore, I will do the only thing I can do. I will right Karai's wrong.

Karai murdered my brother.

So I will right her wrong.

By murdering her.


	6. Five

**Hello again everyone! Thanks for the reviews, I appreciate it that you all took the time to comment on this story. I hope everyone likes where this is going so far, I'm certainly excited about it. Please, give me your input and enjoy this chapter.**

 ** _29 Days Before Raphael's Death_**

I walk out of the dojo, slipping my twin Katana's into their individual scabbards, separating them. Speaking of separating, here comes my favorite gay couple.

Raphael and Casey walk out of my brother's bedroom, standing a little too close to each other for my own liking. They say they're just friends but I know better. Besides, it's not like they're exactly secretive about it. After becoming a fastidious witness of anything varying from their constant flirting to late night makeouts, I've seen plenty enough to believe that they're dating.

As I pass them, I roll my eyes and scoff. How disrespectful, being with someone of the same sex as yourself. Disgusting.

I head down the hall, walking to my room. Just before I enter, though, I turn to watch Raphael say a quick "goodbye" to Casey, and the two press a quick peck to the others lips. I gag, turning away as quickly as possible.

My door creaks as it falls back, aiming towards the post that'll hold it in a way to build a barrier between me and the rest of the world. But, I don't here that 'click' come from the door. In an exhausted fashion, I turn around to see what's blocking the door from closing.

Raphael.

I purse my lips and roll my eyes as I find my little brother's rock-hard, stone-cold stare glaring me down. I'm not all that surprised that he's here, honestly I'm not sure if I would've expected the alternative. So, with knowing that Raphael is here as always, I go back to tidying my room.

"I'm suspecting your here for a reason," I state as bluntly as possible.

"You bet your shell on that one," a low growl pierces Raphael's words.

"And that reason is . . . ?"

"Why were you staring at Casey like that?" Raphael demands profusely.

"You're going to need to elaborate."

I scurry around my room, organizing tall, overflowing piles of comics; straightening picture frames; dumping old, mucky objects into a bag full of garbage. Raphael's emerald eyes give me an unsettling feeling as they rest upon me, burning holes in the back of my head. His glares have always been deadly, completely unforgettable.

"That-that look of disgust! You don't ever stare at him with the acceptance you do everyone else. He's our friend, yours too. You're so nice to April, I just don't understand why your such a bitch ta Case," Raphael folds his meaty arms across his strong plastron.

I snort, slightly amused at my brothers argument. "Ya, well, you're not gay for April."

Behind me, Raphael cracks his knuckles. I can sense his anger, his over-the-top temper. It radiates off of him like the sun's rays. The only thing differing my brother from the star in the sky that brings heat to us all is that Raphael leaves you with the feeling of raw agony, whilst the sun gives you that sensational comfort and safety that is rarely see in this godforsaken world.

"I ain't gay, asshole." I hate it when he calls me things like that. Curses shouldn't be spoken towards your loved ones.

Out of my mouth escapes the faintest chuckle of disbelief. "Oh, you're not gay?" I inquire in a surprised tone. "I just watched you and Casey walk out of your room blushing and barely two inches apart. Not to mention the fact that his pants were on backwards and your room had been locked for the past hour. You can deny all you want, Raphael, but I know what goes on between closed doors with you two."

"Oh really? Well if you're so smart then what do ya suppose?"

I shudder at this. Must I explain myself? I've walked in on them before, whether Raphael had noticed or not.

Two weeks ago I was trying to find Raphael; he was the last one to be seen sharpening his blades with the razor strop and I needed it badly. As I searched the lair, I'd paced around almost silently, as it was late enough for everyone to be sleeping. Having just gotten home from yet another meeting with my beloved girlfriend, I hadn't had the time to file my twin swords.

After searching the entire lair, I found myself standing outside my little brother's bedroom. Hesitantly, I opened the door, only to find Raphael straddling a shirtless Casey atop the bed, their lips moving desperately against each other's.

Lightening flash, I slammed the door and ran to my bedroom, falling asleep after hours spent trying to rid myself of the scarring vision that kept replaying itself over and over and over again.

"You two have been having sex with each other," I'm shocked to find my voice so broad, so pure.

Raphael blushes, proving my words to be accurate. "Me-me and Casey don't fuck each other, we're just friends!" I raise an eyebrow, practically displaying my disbelief. "Ok, we've kissed. More than a few times. And had sex, more than a few times. But what's the big deal, it's not as if you have the most perfect record, eitha."

I'm taken aback by this. I don't have a perfect record? Tch. I'm the leader of the team, the eldest of our brothers. I'm my father's favorite, no one can deny that one. I've risked my life more than enough times and I'll keep doing until our planet is no longer in a state of jeopardy. I've never broken a law or done something disrespectful towards my family. So what the shell is Raph talking about? I'm the one with the clean record, not him.

Of course, there is one minor thing. Karai.

I'm dating Karai, I've slept with Karai, I've lied for Karai, I've broken rules for Karai. I've lied to my father, hid from my brothers, created distractions and paths for them to follow, paths that would never lead to my lover. All so I could be with her.

But, sins like those are exceptional if they are committed for the sake of love, right?

Apparently not through Raphael's eyes.

"What's going on between me and Kara is our business, not yours, Raphael."

"Exactly, same with me and Casey. Of course, you pried into my privacy about that, didn't you? Therefore, it's only fair if you answer some of my questions about you and your bitch." At the word "bitch" - one so bitterly used to refer to Karai - I whip around and punch my brother square in the jaw. He stumbles backwards, astounded by the unexpected blow thrown at him.

I stand tall, my posture perfect. My eyes, filled with hostility and disgust, glare sharp as the Katana's I yield. At that thought I pull them out, twirling them each in a 360 degree angle before clamping them tightly in my fist. Raphael draws his Sai, and we begin circling each other.

"You don't call her that!" I bellow drastically. "She's not a 'bitch,' she's anything but that! She's perfect to me and I love her far more than I could ever love you," I hiss the last part with as much venom as humanly possible.

Raphael's jaw drops, but it's not hanging loosely for long. With a loud 'clamp' his lips are curled, clenched teeth baring, looking as sharp and fatal as a wolfs. He lunged at me, his twin Sai ready to puncture my flesh.

But my Katana's have already created the perfect barrier between me and my brother's blades. His weapons clash against mine with enough force to send us both flying backwards.

So, here we are again, pacing in a smooth circles, breathing heavily as he refuse to drop out deadly gazes. I'm planning my attack, and so is Raph; though, our mind sets are completely different right now.

I'm focusing on how to physically defeat him. If I swing my left sword at his platoon, and jab his hip with my right, then I can kick at his legs, knocking him clean to the ground. That's my attack.

Raphael's is different, though. His is about hitting my nerves with his vile words. His objective is to insult me to the extent where I give up. He'll grin as I collapse on the ground on my knees, begging him to stop his treacherous taunting. My hands'll be over my head, shaking slightly. And even if he doesn't get that reaction, I'll at least get too angry to control myself; and then the real battle will take place.

With my plan set and locked in my mind, ready to guide me like a map to victory, I rush forward, my body coming in immediate contact with Raphael's. He snarls at me as I lean against him, my weapons rubbing tightly against his. I have him cornered, against the far corner of my bedroom. In order to succeed I must catch him thin the center of the room, or at least where he won't fall by against the wall. I may be mad, but I don't want my little brother to wind up in a concussion - or worse.

"You love her more? That's okay. In the end I care more about you than she does. I doubt she's ever even said the words, 'I love you.'" Raphael smirks at me as he attempts to break me in two with his incorrect assumptions.

Though my scowl becomes deeper, I don't respond to his taunting. I can't snap, that'll lead to his win. I can't take the loss, I'm not in the mood to be defeated by my brother in such a simple fight.

Raphael holds his Sai in front of himself, struggling to keep back my swords. Quickly, he removes one blade, using it to mislead me.

The left horn of his blade comes raining down on my own weapons, holding them in a place where they can't move. From their, Raphael twists his Sai, and my swords go flying across the room.

The awkwardness of feeling revealing haunts me and I can't help but squirm as my swords clang against the floor. All too suddenly am I unarmed.

Vulnerable and weak-looking, I take a step back, just as my brother takes a few forward.

"She doesn't love you, Leo. She's a cold-hearted lunatic who wouldn't know love if it hit her in the face! But I care about you, and that's why I'm telling you this; leave her. I want you to be happy and I just so happen to know that Karai is going to give you nothing but the complete opposite of it. So, please, Leo, trust me, Karai is bad. Fucking. News."

My glare hardens until my face is stiff as stone. Sapphire eyes are glazed over in pure hatred towards the one who questions my lover. My feet shift further apart, and my knuckles slowly roll into fists.

In a flat tone, a mere whisper, I say, "don't ever speak about her like that in my presence again." Then, I leap forward, shoving my opponent into the wall. I elbow his Sai out of the picture, leaving him as unarmed as me. But I'm not readying to except loss just yet. My hands wrap around his neck, creating a thin space for oxygen to crawl through. I won't kill him, but I need to send out a message.

"TAKE IT BACK!" I shout, spit flying onto my brothers face.

"Get..off...of..me..," Raphael struggles to untangle my vein like hands as they wrap tighter around his throat.

"Not until you take it back."

His face is growing paper, his lips are becoming larger, his eyes are bulging out more, and yet he won't surrender.

That's it.

My fingers press harder into his throat and I could end his life then and there. But I don't. I won't. I couldn't. I wouldn't.

"Fine! I'm sorry, Karai is good and loves you and will bring you happiness now please, let me go," Raphael pleads in a wheezy tone. I release him, taking a step back, a satisfied grin on my lips.

"Leave," he doesn't argue, he does as I say. When he's gone, I retrieve my Katana's from their spot on the floor, resheathing them as if nothing happened.

I ignore the blood selling down the fresh cut on my lip as I stare at my reflection in my mirror. Not a single crack or debt or piece is missing; it's completely whole. Like me.

I won't let anything happen to Karai, I love her far too much to let predators eye her.


	7. Six

**_1 Day After Raphael's Death_**

"Hello, Leonardo." Karai's tall, lean body comes strutting out of the shadows, revealing herself.

I whip around, my cold eyes resting upon her. She stands with a hand on her hip, a seductive smirk playing on her lips. More often than not, I would rush over to her and lift her up into my arms, showering her in kisses. But there is no way in hell that that will ever happen again.

How is it, I wonder, that she could kill my brother and then come skipping in here the next day? Could it be that she thinks I wanted him dead? Or because she simply thinks that she can do and have whatever she wants?

As much as I want to unsheathe my Katana's and run at her, I don't. If I'm going to end her, I'm going to have to catch her by surprise.

A plan quickly forms in my mind; I'm going to have to kiss her, and kill her there, while we're locked in an embrace.

"Karai," I return, with a smile on my lips. "How was everything last night?"

"Oh, just the same-old-same-old. Nothing new. But let's not talk about that, I have something else I want to tell you." A soft grin rests upon Karai's lips. She walks over to me and grabs my hand. Dragging me over to the couch, we sit down, our bodies barely an inch apart.

I stare deep into her Amber eyes. This'll be that last time they're shining, I will be the last person ever to look into them.

One of her hands reaches up to caress my cheek, it's softness calming me somewhat. I sigh as I lean into Karai's touch. Oh, how many times we'd risked coming here to see each other, so sad it has to end like this. I'd always imagined myself growing old with Karai, in a cabin built in the depths of the woods. No one would ever find us there. She would go out to buy the groceries with the little money we had. Perhaps we would have a child or two, both of which would have her eyes and smile. Though, they would never know my brothers or Splinter or Karai's father, it would be alright. Because we'd have each other, and that's all that would've mattered.

But now, that'll never happen. I'll never have children unless I meet another woman who I love, one who won't murder my brother with cold blood.

Karai draws near, putting an abrupt end to the gap between us. Her lips are smooth against my own, her teeth grazing my mouth gently. Our lips move together, her taste falling upon my tongue. I can't resist this, I can't pull apart. So, I continue to kiss her, bringing my tongue into her mouth. She's distracted, far too much to notice my actions as I pull my sword out of its scabbard.

"What was that you wanted tell me?" I question, just barely drawing back.

A smile creeps onto Karai's Cherry lips, spreading from ear to ear. "I love you, Leonardo," she whispers.

The smuggest expression forms on my face. "And I loved him, but you just had to kill him, didn't you?"

Startled, and seemingly confused, Karai draws back. "What?" Her voice drips with befuddlement, her perplexity radiating off her body and into the atmosphere.

I chuckle. "Now, now, Karai, let's not play dumb. You and I both know what you did last night. To my brother, my best friend." When Karai is still staring at me with that clueless gleam in her eyes, I release a growl of exhaustion. "Here, let me explain in better terms. Last night, you murdered Raphael. Just. Like. This."

A high pitched scream escapes from Karai's lungs as I plunge my katana deep into her side. Thick Crimson blood comes seeping out of the wound, drenching her silver armor, turning her purple belt dark as night.

"Didn't you want to know what it's like to be filled with pain?" I ask with a tilted head.

Karai's eyes have gone bloodshot and her jaw is hanging loosely in the air. She pants, struggling to breathe. I can see the agony coursing through her veins. Her face is pale as snow, making her makeup even more noticeable than before.

"I-I . . . didn-didn't kill 'im." She struggles with the words, her body shaking and quaking as she hyperventilates.

"Well, babe, then who did?" I stroke her cheek gently, not hiding my smile.

"I . . . don't . . . know," Karai's words slur together. Her eyes are debating whether they want to close or stay awake.

"I said: WHO DID!?" My hand slaps hard across Karai's face. She lets out a cry of distress at the harsh touch. Her skin clusters into a dark shade of red where my hand had made contact. I breathe heavily—in, out—attempting to get my fierce emotions under control.

"I already told you," Karai exclaims with a pain filled voice, "I don't know." A hot, wet stream of tears pours down from her eyes. Makeup running, sobbing, bleeding, wounded; she looks more vulnerable than ever. Like a small, injured teenage girl who couldn't save herself if she tried. She looks like the kind of girl who would spend her nights in a club, stripped to the bone, letting men on top of her as she drinks herself sky high. Or, maybe the type of girl who meets with a drug dealer late at night just so she can get the next batch. Or, perhaps, she looks like the kind of girl who murdered her boyfriends brother yesternight. Yeah, she looks like that.

Karai's head lolls back against the arm of the couch. "Gahhh," she groans in agony. Her yells bounce of the walls, poisoning every surface.

Still gripping my sword, I twisting it, warning another chorus of high pitched screams. Then, swiftly and briskly, I tank the blade out of her body.

Karai jolts up at the suddenness of my actions. Her Amber eyes stare into mine for just a few short seconds. "I love you," she whispers.

Then, her eyelids slam shut.

And her breathing comes to an abrupt end.

And her heart doesn't bother to beat.

That is when I know, that I have succeeded.

That is when I realize, that I have a changed my brother.


	8. Seven

**_27 Days Before Raphael's Death_**

The city is quiet tonight, a mere silence laying beneath a quilt of stars. Therefore, I don't feel as guilty as I make the personal decision to kick back and relax with my favorite person in the world; Karai.

We sit beside each other on a cold rooftop, one that grazes the city-line. There's grass below us—something foreign in our metropolis—and a movie plays on a tall, white screen. Dozens of cars are parked in the field. Jokes on them, though, because Karai and I are here for free.

Karai's head is on my shoulder, my arm wrapped around her waist. We're snuggled together, battling the harsh wind like the Warriors we are. We don't need blankets or heated leather seats, we just need each other.

I press a soft kiss to the crown of her head, burying my snout in her hair, inhaling the wonderful smell of her shampoo. I murmur against her luscious, black locks, "you look beautiful tonight."

Karai shifts positions, sitting herself backwards on my lap. I tuck a loose strand of her hair behind her ear, letting it overlap the cobalt blue bandana she wears over her face. It's mine, and although I don't quite remember how it happened upon her face, I can say this: it looks far better on her pale, white skin that it had against my speckled green scales.

"Don't I always look beautiful?" Her Amber eyes shine against the darkness around us, standing out like the northern star in a sea of meteorites. The meteorites are the people we battle, challenges we face. They are everything we've ever stood up against. And that astonishing star, a mere sun in the eyes of me, is all we've ever wanted. That star is us.

"Yes, every day you look beautiful." I lift a hand to caress the side of her face. She doesn't have a well structured jawline, you can't see the edges of her cheekbones. Her body isn't all curves, her breasts aren't as big as the ones on other girls, her collar bones don't scrape against her skin. She isn't exactly model material, no. Her thighs are that awkward, average big-but-not-big size, despite her constant work outs. She has stomach rolls, even though she keeps a steady diet. And her hair, no matter how hard she tries, can never seem to stay as perfect as the other girls'.

She thinks this all matters to me, but it doesn't mean a thing. Her breasts and hips and ass and stomach and thighs aren't what matters to me. I could care less about a fit body with edgy curves and a lean structure. All I need are those wonderful doe eyes, the ones that I could stare into for hours, just because I like what I see in them. I see her soul.

Her soul is small—well, no, not small, just curled up in a tight ball; like a flower waiting to blossom. She opens up to me, like a flower opening to the rain. I'll be the rain, and I'll drop down into the caverns of her mind, cleansing her in relief and happiness and love. I'll be everything she needs me, wants me, to be.

I'll be her world.

"It's just," I begin, rubbing smooth circles on the back of her hand, "tonight you're very dressed up. You look even more beautiful than before. If that's even possible."

Karai's head lolls to the side, pushing further into my touch. Her eyes flutter shut and a warm, grateful smile forms on her dark red lips. "I don't see how a graphic tee and tribal print leggings counts as dressing up."

I roll my eyes. "You know what I mean. It's so rare that I see you anything other than your ninja attire."

Releasing my grip on her hand, I let my own drift down to her thigh. Massaging the tops of her leg, just below her torso.

"Well, maybe I outta make it so you don't see me in anything." A mischievous expression replaces the one her face held only moments ago. Her flirt weighs down on me, like a desirable offer.

I blush, my face hot and bright red. We've had sex dozens of times—we've seen the ins and outs of each other's body's—nudity is nothing new. Yet, I become flustered at the thought of her naked, flawless body.

Seductively, I gnaw on my bottom lip, a sexual temptation driving my thoughts in the opposite direction than they'd been heading moments ago. "Maybe you should make it so I don't see you in anything . . ," I murmur, leaning in close. My teeth graze the top of her ear.

"We'd have to go somewhere a little more private for me to do that."

"Then we better get going."

Karai pulls back, not far, only putting enough distance between us for our eyes to lock. I'm drowning in thoughts of pleasuring my lover, thoughts of her body grinding against mine, thoughts of her luscious, bare skin against my jagged, scarred up hands. All because I stared deeply into those astonishing Amber eyes.

* * *

"I'm not so sure about this, Karai," I say loud enough for only her to hear as I crawl through the window, ever so cautious of my movements. The second my foot falls into the carpeted floor I'm in full ninja mode, picking out every shadow I could hide in, every escape I could make, every weapon I could wield. I don't feel safe here, Karai's company. No, she can't help this feeling that shakes my body like an earthquake. Not now. Not here. Because here, I feel . . . exposed.

"Come on, Leo, what's the worst that could happen?" Karai's pinky is linked around mine. She pulls on me, dragging me in the direction of her kind sized bed. It's gigantic compared to the one I have at home. Hers is covered in pillows, more than she probably needs. I guarantee that when she goes to be shoved them all onto the floor except for the one she sleeps on.

I've found exits; two. The door—I assume it leads to the halls, which lead to the rest of the foot hideout. That would probably just be a suicide attempt, running down those halls. So I decide that, if anything happens, I'll climb out the window.

"The Shredder—mean your father," I correct myself hastily, "is right down the hall. If he hears us . . ."

Next, I find my weapon. There is very little to improvise with, her room is simple; a bed side table, a dresser, a vanity who's surface is covered in beauty products—nail polishes, foundations, lipsticks, eye shadows, a well-used hair brush—with an elegant mirror hanging over it. Helplessly, I grow to be frantic, desperate. I won't feel safe until everything is sought out. I need a weapon. I crave one. But there isn't anything.

"He won't hear us, Leo, because he isn't in his room, not at this time. Right now he's in his thrown room, and his little toy soldiers are prancing around the city, searching in every corner, every crevice, for you and your brothers. Never will they know that one fourth of that team is here, in my bedroom, about to fuck me." I might say she's too casual, sitting on her bed, propped up by only by her left elbow, playing with my fingers, tugging on my hand.

I'm busy, though, driven too far by the urgency to make a plan.

It doesn't feel right, being here. For once in my relationship with Karai, I feel like I'm truly betraying my family. Because here I am, after Donnie had begged me to stay behind to help him with a project, after Mikey had pleaded that I spared some time for him, after Raphael had blown up because he claimed to miss me. "You're never home anymore," his voice had been quaking as tears glistened his emerald eyes, "you're always out with her."

She's my girlfriend, I'd told him with a solemn tone. You'd do the same for Casey.

"You know, Leo, I could always leave you and our brothers behind so I could spend more time with Casey, but ya know what? I don't. Because you guys are just that, my brothers. My family. And family is far more important than some lover."

I hated the way he glared, even as he reached up to wipe a stray tear.

He took off, leaving me with no time to respond.

This is completely like Raphael, whether I like to admit it or not. He seems to have it in his mind that the only way to get someone to do something is to give them an ultimatum, a life changing, heart shattering, one, at that.

I can't fight off Karai's urging any longer. I crawl onto the bed and pin her beneath me. Immediately, my lips are on her neck, sucking the pale skin I know to be delicate. It isn't long before I have her moaning. Not too far away from the point where I'm massaging her breasts, admiring her silky, naked form.

She shouts my name as I thrust into her.

Hugs me tight as we both cum.

Whispers sweet nothings as we drift asleep.

Drowning . . .

Drowning . . .

Drowning . . . in each other's presence.

 _Drowning._

* * *

I was wrong, about the pillows. She doesn't shove them away, but instead, buries herself in them. They embrace her like a best holds a bird. She looks peaceful, sleeping cozily in her big, warm bed.

A blissful sunrise seeps in through the cracks in the blinds, ridding the room of the pitch darkness that had lingered for the long hours of the night. I take this as my chance to slip out, to leave her once more. It's easier knowing that'll see her tonight.

Just before I leave, I do one last thing. I make a promise, a vow.

Crouching down, I press my puckered lips to her forehead. "I love you, Karai."

 _And I'll never let a thing happen to you._


	9. Eight

**_1 Day After Raphael's Death_**

Karai's blood is still on my hands when I knock on the window of Casey Jones' apartment. I wasted no time coming here after the murder of my former girlfriend. I knew that, logically, Casey would be the one who had the most information on what occurred during yesterday's battle, having been Raphael's boyfriend upon his death.

A sudden thought dawns on me, an unsettling one, might I say.

If Casey were there, fighting along side Raphael, why wasn't he with my brother when I found him? Why did Raph have to be alone, bleeding to death, when his boyfriend, the love of his life, could've been caressing his cheek, planting fast, loving kisses to his lips? Raphael shouldn't have been alone, Casey should've been there for him.

Initially, I wasn't coming here to hurt Casey, in any way, shape, or form. I wanted to know every last detail about my brother's last battle. Now, though, I'm feeling more like a time bomb waiting to explode than the calm flowing creek I was only seconds ago. I'm suddenly boiling with a rage that I can't even begin to control.

Opening the window, Casey seems utterly surprised to see me standing on his balcony. "Leo? What's up?"

Avoiding eye contact, I stare down at my clenched fists. "We need to talk. May I come in?"

"Yeah, sure, man."

I don't know what's worse: Casey's messy room or lack of questions.

I expected for him to be asking about Raphael, because it was rather obvious that Casey wasn't with him in his last moments. So, if he isn't already aware that his boyfriend is dead, then why isn't he asking why I've come along? Or maybe, why Raphael isn't answering his calls? Why isn't his main concern his boyfriend?

"So, what's up?" Casey's hands are stuffed into his pockets as he leans against the wall, eyes fixated on the floor.

I take the time to look him over, up and down and up again. If I'm not mistaken, he's wearing the same outfit he had been last night. He certainly reeks of sweat and blood. My only question is: why?

"I want to know what happened to my brother last night," I state boldly, my hands curled into fists at my sides.

Casey's gaze lifts, flicking upward like a light switch turned on. "Raph," he murmurs, his words a mere gasp against the suspenseful atmosphere we've built up.

Stepping forward, I try my hardest to look sincere as I place one hand on each of his shoulders. Staring into his hickory eyes, I ask, "What happened to him yesterday?"

Biting his lips, Casey squeezes his eyes shut tightly, fighting back a wave of tears. He's trying so hard to stay strong. He's failing so badly to stay strong.

"Karai stabbed his chest, he bled out in my arms," Casey sobs.

I could comfort him, should comfort him. In fact, I should be crying with him, after all, I lost my brother, just as he lost his boyfriend. But his explanation doesn't quite fit the story.

First off, Casey stated, clear as day, that Raphael's stab wound was in his plastron, while in fact, it was the in the bridge of his shell. This isn't the only suspicious claim, though, because he also said that my brother died in his arms. We all know that's not the case, though.

"Casey, Raphael died in my arms last night, and he was stabbed in the bridge of his shell," I hiss menacingly. My grip on his shoulders have tightened, tips of my fingers digging into his back forcefully. "Now, what really happened? What. Are. You. Hiding!?" Spit flies out between the cracks in my teeth as I snarl, lips curled enough to reveal my canines. My third eyelid flips over, and I'm left looking more frightening than death himself.

Cowering, Casey shrinks back as far as he can, trying his absolute hardest to bring his knees to his chest. His struggles only make my grip firmer, until, I swear to god, he should be passing out from the intense amount of pressure to his shoulder blades. Jones' strong, though, I will admit. The fight he puts up could be quite amusing, if all comes to it.

"Leo, look, man, I dunno know what happened last night, alright? Raph and I got split up and all went to hell from there. I didn't see nothin' with Karai though," his voice shakes with his body, eyes shifting at a rhythm to match the quakes.

Peering down at him through narrowed eyes, I argue, interrogating further. "Then how did you know that he was stabbed to death?"

"I don't know." He stops squirming, standing calmly now. His eyes are glued to mine. Tough luck, kid, because your eyes are proving to me that the words on your lips are a lie.

Banging my fist against the wall, an inch away from his face, I watch as the confidence drains from his freckled, gap toothed face. The old me would've been sympathetic in this situation, choosing to react rationally with a level head. But ever since I lost Raphael, I can't seem to think straight. I'm a completely different person now, with a different thought process and filter. In the past, I wouldn't even have thought about choking Casey, but now I'm curling my fingers around his throat without a second thought.

"You're lying! You know something, so tell me what it is."

He brings his hand up to overlap mine as he attempts to pry my hands off of his neck. "Can't . . . . breathe . . ."

I let go, but not without first bringing my knee to his stomach. "Talk," I growl through gritted teeth.

Curled into a ball on the floor, tears soak Casey's deep brown eyes as he sobs. He's acting like a child, letting fear take over his form! Raphael deserved someone far better than the weakling sitting before me.

"Karai didn't kill Raph," he gets out between sobs.

"LIAR!" I bellow, bringing my first down to puncture his jaw. Spews of blood comes spiraling out of his mouth and nostrils. A couple of teeth are lost to the floor, and his jaw exhales a large cracking sound as its snapped out of place. The only sound left to follow the obnoxious blow is a cry of agony.

"R-Raph he-e k-k-killed himse—" he never finishes his stuttered sentence, for, I extract a single Katana and drive in through his poor, misfortunate body.

As of this instant, Casey Jones is no more.


	10. Chapter 10

Hey guys. I've been receiving a lot of messages and reviews lately asking me to continue my writing, and I'd just like to clear a few things up. I'm no longer writing on this account, I've transferred over to **nxgmobblepot** , due primarily to a change in fandoms. I may post TMNT oneshots occasionally, but none of these stories will be updated anytime soon if at all. My dearest apologies, and I do hope that you'll all continue to read my writing on my new account—assuming I actually get around to posting anything, my writing is currently on tumblr. Anyway. I'm sorry for leaving all of you hanging, and thank you for sticking with my stories throughout the years. You've all given me the strength I need to believe in myself.


	11. Chapter 11

Hello everyone!

It's been a long while since I posted anything on this account, but I'm back with a very special announcement that I think you will be glad to hear.

I fell out of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fandom last year, due mainly to finding a new favorite show, but also because of the hiatus TMNT had been on at that time. When I wound up coming back to writing these stories, it was shortly after a breakup with a girl I met and fell in love with thanks to our mutual love for the turtles. It was extremely painful to write these stories, so I gave up on them for my own benefits.

Recently, I began watching and finished the show. Since then, I've been considering rewriting some of my own works. The two I've settled on are Cuts and Bruises and Scars and Markings. If enough people respond to this and ask for a remake, then I'll have the first few chapters up shortly. My plan is to rewrite the stories, now that my writing skills are more improved and, well, better. The general plot will remain the same, though there may be a few changes here and there. if anyone would like me to follow through with this plan, and to finish the series once and for all, then please leave a review and I will make it happen. If all goes accordingly, this series will end as a trilogy. Believe me, you'll all want to see what I have in store.

Additionally, if there are any other stories you would like to see in new and better condition, drop reviews or private message me and i will look into renewing those as well.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this. My dearest apologies for my long break.


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